Free Verse by Dapianokid

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Free Verse by Dapianokid

Post by Fauxfyre on Thu Aug 21, 2014 9:34 pm

This is a Line Rider track by Dapianokid. He doesn't have time to post it right now, so here's the description he wrote:

My first substantial LineRider work since basically ever. I've been playing since late 2008 but I quit in early 2009. I got back into this early 2014 and suddenly, track. Special thanks to Shotoku for the amazing video. Song choice was because it's near and dear to my heart, no actual specific purpose. Someday, I might even sync something. ;P

Inspiration comes from a time in my life when everything was crazy, and things were always up in the air. I was very, very happy, though. [/emotions]

Free Verse



Dap is moving next week, so he won't have computer access and he's been waiting months to get it out. Yesterday was his last day to do it and he didn't have time to upload it


Last edited by Shotoku on Fri Aug 22, 2014 11:59 am; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Free Verse by Dapianokid

Post by ScrungleBlumpkus on Thu Aug 21, 2014 9:44 pm

Inverted Onoz 

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Re: Free Verse by Dapianokid

Post by Chuggers on Thu Aug 21, 2014 11:33 pm

you improved substantially from the beginning to the end

like each line is a step forwards from the last

I wish i could give some criticism on this but everything that bothered me about the beginning parts were more or less fixed by the end, and there aren't any parts that are that different from each other because they all gradually combine into one another as you progress
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Re: Free Verse by Dapianokid

Post by gaoyubao on Fri Aug 22, 2014 7:21 am

that was really nice. I felt like even though maybe the flings weren't the "neatest", frame-by-frame and all, but the strength and flow was definitely there.  Thumbs Up 

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Re: Free Verse by Dapianokid

Post by Fauxfyre on Fri Aug 22, 2014 8:25 am

I really like that alt fling in the beginning. Kind of ironic, with Kevans slow down stuff, that you got every-frame alt flings and asdfs easier than everything else.

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Re: Free Verse by Dapianokid

Post by rabid squirrel on Fri Aug 22, 2014 11:51 am

First of all, dude, release your own tracks. You need your own youtube channel and you need to post it yourself. I want to subscribe to you except the video is on shotoku's channel. How is it that you could type up a description and post in the thread right after the post was made but you couldn't upload it and post it yourself?

---------

Okay now that's out of the way, I hope you like rabid reviews!

I don't think it's kevans's contact thing that led to this style, this was pretty common in 2009 era for beginning quirkers, we just didn't call them asdfs we called them sloppy quirk :P (or back in anomaly's day, we just called it quirk)

Okay, so you've got the whole gravity well thing down, and you've got the thinking in frames thing down, and you've got the whole movement concept and even some flow down. This is great. You've really got a handle on how quirk works.

What you need now is to work on being clean and confident. Watch Kramwood, aspi33, Hedgehogs4Me, FlagCapper, ZNF. Watch all their stuff and take notes. Make a track where you only have simple flings but you sustain them for at least 10 wells each. (Or not but get to the point where you are confident that you could) Figure out how to gain speed and sustain that speed.

And then, you need to have a sense of what you actually want to do at any given point. Sometimes it's good to stop bosh quickly, or make weirdly-intense low-speed mono-directional quirk, so I don't want you to stop doing that, but I want you to work on learning other things too. Learn to make manuals that are actually sustained and smooth rather than barely an excuse for one (sorry but it's true - better yet make an all manual track. watch cereal's stuff.). Don't add an XY section that is a grand total of 2 seconds long. Don't add a massive pinch or an alt fling and then slow him down in .3 seconds immediately following. Don't be so worried about Bosh falling and picking up too much speed. Decide when you want airtime, or just a few frames when Bosh isn't being mercilessly whiplashed. Gain a sense of what the track looks like as a whole from a little more distance and decide where you want to take us, not in terms of the next frame but in terms of the next 10 seconds.

0:15 I can see how you're like ahhh gravity too much speed ahhh
0:18 lolwut is that
0:25 all that speed and then you managed to kill it in like 1 frames lol. That's a good thing to know how to do but you also want to work on being able to sustain that speed haha
0:28-0:34 - this part was all mono-directional despite practically every well being individual, which is actually pretty interesting, but it didn't look like it was part of your vision. especially with the two-second XY "section"
0:38-0:40 lol this part is so messy and so intense as he climbs so slowly haha
0:44 - nice fling there, why did you feel the need to kill the speed immediately?
0:49 - lol another sad excuse for an XY section
0:55 - is that an xy section or did those lines just happen to be xy?
0:57 - you call that a tail manual?
0:59 - ohey airtime, me likey
1:03 - okay that manual was passable. but if you're gonna make manuals make them longer!
1:10 - okay this is picking up, I see you improving!
1:15 to 1:25 is a really shining moment in this track because you get some fluid movement and some actual power going. Also I like the Y pinch. Just don't feel like you have to change directions so quickly!
1:25-1:30 if you're gonna have a bigass pinch like that you have to get some more speed haha, or else it's just disappointing
1:35-1:47 - flings are getting a lot better, but work on making them cleaner!
1:49 loooove the stall. very creative.

the improvement from the first minute to the second minute is HUGE. Number one thing to work on is making things cleaner and number two is sustaining things. You're well on your way! Very Happy

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Re: Free Verse by Dapianokid

Post by Fauxfyre on Fri Aug 22, 2014 12:00 pm

@rabid squirrel wrote:First of all, dude, release your own tracks. You need your own youtube channel and you need to post it yourself. I want to subscribe to you except the video is on shotoku's channel. How is it that you could type up a description and post in the thread right after the post was made but you couldn't upload it and post it yourself?
Dap is moving next week, so he won't have computer access and he's been waiting months to get it out. Yesterday was his last day to do it and he didn't have time to upload it

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Re: Free Verse by Dapianokid

Post by ScrungleBlumpkus on Fri Aug 22, 2014 10:58 pm

I'll make sure to upload on my own channel. Gosh Rabid thank you so much. This is the last time I'll be on for a week.
And I do call that a 2nd peg manual. ;P Seriously this was basically "The chronicles of Dap learning how to LR."
I have manuals, flow, speed consistency, and general Lr awareness to work on. Tanku.

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Re: Free Verse by Dapianokid

Post by Opal Rider on Sat Aug 23, 2014 12:43 am

Did someone say they need to work on flow? Next time you stream I'll be sure to join in and nitpick. As for the current track, I enjoyed the second half a lot more than the first, due to the improvement. Really I think the one word that boils down here is consistency. Do you want your track to go swish swish swinging on various flings, or have him doing a little dance with alt quirk? Because right now it feels like you're going "eeeehhhh I just want to do everything at once, in the same section of track". And that's really where all of the flowy stuff starts falling apart. You gotta feel it dude, and if you're not feeling it, erase it and make it all over again.

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Re: Free Verse by Dapianokid

Post by ScrungleBlumpkus on Sat Aug 23, 2014 8:05 am

^"eh I just want to do everything at once, in the same section of track"
Basically my mindset at the time. I've mellowed out. A lot. Collabs are easier because they have a specific goal in mind. But solo tracks will require practice.

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Re: Free Verse by Dapianokid

Post by rabid squirrel on Sat Aug 23, 2014 11:37 am

yeah opal nailed it good job opal

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Re: Free Verse by Dapianokid

Post by Opal Rider on Sat Aug 23, 2014 12:50 pm

Yay.

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Re: Free Verse by Dapianokid

Post by theacp127 on Sat Aug 23, 2014 11:41 pm

I would say to work on making your flings fling. Throughout the track I noticed that at the end of some flings Bosh just fell or went off slowly which makes the track look a little strange since it is almost all flings. That is when you end up with a ton of small lines everywhere doing little work other than having a few efficiently placed lines that really generate that fling flow that most people expect from seeing a fling even before Bosh reaches it. It's one of the things I've worked on for about two years and still learning as well.

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Re: Free Verse by Dapianokid

Post by ScrungleBlumpkus on Sat Sep 27, 2014 9:35 pm


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