Neophyte - Sum, Boo, and Cokey

Might be Boo's last track ;______;

Manuals

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JS9xlYLMXQQ&fmt=18


www.youtube.com/user/DarkEclipse1337 - Me
www.youtube.com/user/Commandercoke - Self Explanatory
www.youtube.com/user/LineMagiX - Boo

WOW!!! A wonderfully smooth track, lots of great manuals and your curves were excellent, shame it may be boo's last, it was really great!
LOL, brain-dead Dino

pretty awesome, song fits the overall feel of the track well
too bad youtube kept going apes*** on me and freezing the video all the time

Woah, this is one of the first tracks I totally enjoyed...
That was really nice you guys! Sum, your manuals are
very enjoying. Boo, I didn't know you could do manuals
Coke, I liked your parts too. All manuals were very smooth
and so were the curves.
Nice dinosaur .

What I liked of the track is that is was very flowish without flow.
I was very surprised to see a tail manual loop. People barely make
those anymore ;_;.

Yea, I think this one get's a 7.5/10. Experts on .org. Whatever.

Really nice job guys. Keep it coming!

loldinosaur.

lolgirlysong

might be magixs last track

Good track i enjoyed it.

I really liked Summ's first part up to about 0:28. Very nice granuals, their choppiness adds to their character (was that intended?). I also liked the placement of the airtime.
I would've preferred to have a smoother gap at 0:28 between the flat nosie and the loop, and the loop seemed a bit floaty at the top and kinda imperfect coming down.

Coke's first part was also very enjoyable. The squish at 0:32 could've been much neater, but that's secondary to the great manuals around it. Surprisingly, I liked the granual-aided manual switch at 0:34; I usually think those things look too much like tips, but not in this case.
The granual at 0:39 could've been much neater; the inverted hand wells were sorta "meh". To really show that you know what you're doing, you should keep your granuals pure in the contact point used until you want to switch it to something else, with a few exceptions of course.
I really liked the tailie loop at 0:40, it seemed perfectly placed and I love tailie loops =]
Again, the squish could've been improved at 0:43, namely squished more.

Early in Boo's part, I felt like he wasn't really doing much, just kinda shuffling along. That's one of the reasons I don't like a lot of tracks (mainly dense quirks, actually) nowadays, because it seems like they're moving in one direction or another without actually DOING anything, and that's what it felt like here. I dunno, maybe Coke just didn't leave you off in a very nice spot
The flips at 0:46 and 0:47 were very nice though, they felt very flowy to me. I would've liked to see more of those types of manuals from you, it's a pity that your part stopped so early =/

Summ's second part seemed slow to me, at least compared to the rest of the track.
Leaving off from sorta grazing the shoulder/hand in a tumble like at 0:50 is definitely a no-no, never do that again, it breaks the flow a lot because the concentration on the motion of the track is broken by the effect that sort of graze makes. I mean, doing it in a fast tumble is fine, but doing it in a slow tumble and leaving some airtime after it is DEFINITELY a no.
Luckily you had a good music sync at 0:51/52 to make up for it
What you did at 0:53 going into 0:54 was EXACTLY what I was talking about in Coke's part in 0:34, except he DIDN'T do it there. You totally made that look like a tip. It frustrates me that people like Abysmal Pea can make a tip look too flowy to be a tip, but then places like this do the exact opposite and make a granual a complete stoppage. Work on that, I guess (maybe it's just me being way too picky). Nice wavy tail manual at 0:54 though, it really fit with the music.

Now onto Coke's next part!
The nosie curve going counterclockwise (I specify this because it gets followed up with a granual, which I am NOT pointing out) seemed like he was slowing him down a lot, which sorta made that area in the track look lethargic. Never sacrifice spirit for balance =]
The gap at 1:01 made things seem kinda slow also, especially with the nose well at going-into-1:02 completely negating the effect of the nosie preceding it. The entire thing was kinda... bleh.
Nice nose/tail well combo at 1:03, I was surprised by the power it provided. I'm actually working on taking advantage of that sort of thing in my next track
The airy/floaty/non-existant manual thing at the beginning of 1:06 seemed really bleh to me, don't try to hide your airtime, instead stylize it. If that wasn't airtime, then it was a pretty bleh granual. It also seemed like he completely slipped off his balance when he landed, which could be fixed by leaving some more time when he's balanced and then quickening the rotation. I guess it's just practice to be able to do that sort of thing; you'll get used to it. Also make sure the pressure stays constant while he is in his balanced state.
I kinda have a love-hate relationship with the rotation-stopping wells at the end of 1:07 (which is kinda odd, since a relationship with 3 non-sentient lines is rare if non-existent in this sentience-dominated world): on one hand, it seems rather unnecessary and a waste, which makes it seem extremely messy. On the other hand, it's kinda unexpected, so that's cool too, I guess.
The manual/granual wavy thing at 1:10 to 1:13 was very well done. Does that go into Summ's next part or not? I can't really tell since it seems to end in the middle of the fade.

Alright Fuzzy, your turn.
First off, let me say that that tailie loop was intense, and I wish I could do stuff like that. It was very nicely pressured, very nicely rounded, and very nicely pulled off in general.
The nosie-into-pinch at 1:16 was VERY well-done, Coke could learn a thing or two from you
The nosie-into-tailie at 1:17/18 was incredible, I love the effect produced from the fast quadrant switching while having not very much rotation. There is so much to watch there, very nice job!
Combo breaker, you did something that I wasn't so fond of
The granual at 1:19 was wobbly, which probably wouldn't be that much of a problem, except for that it showed a LOT in the hand movements. It broke my concentration from the rest of the track, which is really what you do not want.
The quirk thing at 1:20 really seemed like you didn't know what to do, which isn't really that great of a thing either. I'd also like to see the manual/granual thing after it rotate him a bit more counterclockwise so that the granual wouldn't need to be hand; it looks kinda messy as it is.

NEXT
Coke, let it be known that I like your manuals. Assume that I like what you do if I don't mention it.
I'm saying this because I'm about to completely pwn your part.
|
Your first manual was terribly pressured, and wobbled a bit too. I guess it makes it worse that it was after a not-so-brilliantly-placed airtime, but still, bleh.
The tailie at 1:24 started a bit shakily, with a not-quite-so-curvy beginning, if you see what I mean. It also wobbled back a bit at the end (and no, I'm not confusing the manual with the well, the well was okey-dokey).
I guess I should mention the granual at 1:26. I did like it, but I can't quite seem to get over my phobia of incorrectly placed inverted hand wells in nose granuals, which this granual either had or there was a big bump in it (or both). Otherwise it was quite smooth though.
The tailie at 1:28 was nice; it reminded me of Summ's parts. NOT IN A SEXUAL WAY.
The granual after it sorta slowed him down though, which doesn't necessarily look bad itself, but it opens into an awkward airtime and a slow pinch, which as a unit looks kinda ewwy. Then again, whoever edited apparently liked the slow pinch (see coloured playback)

k Summ, your turn again.
The part at 1:32-33 reminded me of the first part of Boo's part, to which I said:
"Early in Boo's part, I felt like he wasn't really doing much, just kinda shuffling along. That's one of the reasons I don't like a lot of tracks (mainly dense quirks, actually) nowadays, because it seems like they're moving in one direction or another without actually DOING anything, and that's what it felt like here."
That basically sums up what you were doing there to me.
I like the rotational stop thing at going-into-1:34 though, that was cool. It must've been hard to maintain the flow after that, but you did indeed.
Nice barrel roll, and the nosie after it was very smooth as well.
It doesn't really move into the stall very gracefully, but the dinosaur makes me instantly forgive that and then some

Who drew the dinosaur anyways? Whoever does gets +1 rep from me

Overall, guys, a very nice track; very enjoyable. There are a few kinks to be worked out, but that doesn't stop it from being a piece that I'm sure will inspire many.

Cokey drew the dinosaur, and the granual after 1:20 was actually coke's but i didn't end my part name fast enough. and was the combo breaker me getting like 3 things good in a row? , anyway, thanks for the good lengthy review :3

Thanks for the huge review Hedge. ^^ Helps a lot and I agreed with everything you said about my parts, especially the things you pointed out that I didn't notice before.

BTW, I made the dinosaur. Sum beat me to it.

very enjoying. Boo, I didn't know you could do manuals

I can't. I completely fail at them.

might be magixs last track

;_; Havn't been able to make a track in so long. Lot's of reason why i can't keep focused whenever i open lr every once in awhile.

Woo hedgey That godly wall of text was a bit intimidating.
And it's true that Cokey left me in a lovable spot. There was no way i could get out without doing something noticeable/stupid/both. I should've just flatsledded out like any normal person would've done.