Marmalade scened

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Marmalade scened

Post by Pawel3 on Wed Apr 29, 2015 1:44 pm


My try at scenery.

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Re: Marmalade scened

Post by Opal Rider on Wed Apr 29, 2015 2:37 pm

Ohey IGLima.

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Re: Marmalade scened

Post by Getthim on Wed Apr 29, 2015 2:59 pm

really good job, was really enjoyable to watch, want to see more form you

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Re: Marmalade scened

Post by Orthuss on Wed Apr 29, 2015 4:16 pm

Really nice and clean! I had my doubts about how scenable of a track the bare track was, but you did great. Deleting that last part (although probably one of my favorite moments in Marmalade) and a lot of the unused lines made sense. You hid the little quirk lines well, but it doesn't feel like a "hiding the track" problem.

Usually not scening everything until the end of a frame doesn't really work all too well, but you pulled it off really nicely by having higher density inside of the "cave" and contrasting that to the outside. Really nice effect and well done!

I do wish you would have added more monuments besides the jar of marmalade at the end, though. Just something to break up the consistent theme a bit and fill up some "empty" holes (like at 1:00). It did feel a tad repetitive after a while and monuments (regardless of how tiny they are) can prevent that from happening. So that's something to keep in mind when scening Noon. (I hope you do, at least. =D)

All in all, really well done for a "try at scenery". Hope to see more. ^^

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Re: Marmalade scened

Post by efrazable on Wed Apr 29, 2015 5:00 pm

omgomgomg

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Re: Marmalade scened

Post by theacp127 on Wed Apr 29, 2015 5:29 pm

Very nicely done. I think everything looked finished and well thought out. The only thing that I would have recommended was to add a bit of definition to the blank walls. Just a few lines to add some simple shadows would make them feel more there.

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Re: Marmalade scened

Post by gaoyubao on Wed Apr 29, 2015 7:41 pm

yass impressively consistent, but maybe to a fault... maybe you could have added some random details to break up the scenery, but what would I know.

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Re: Marmalade scened

Post by Yobanjojoe on Thu Apr 30, 2015 2:02 am

I'm thinking that this would have looked really cool if the things in the background were leaves.

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Re: Marmalade scened

Post by rabid squirrel on Sun Jun 07, 2015 12:20 pm

Pretty sure the main point I am going to point out has already been said - this track is a bit too consistent. It's good but it falls a little flat.

And the second point has already been said too - you did an excellent job of fitting the track into the scenery. For what I would consider a very difficult track to scene, which makes consistency hard, it is really well done.

BUT I have a third point to make! The zoom level was too low. The recording was too zoomed out! You could have zoomed in a lot more.
Spoiler:

But seriously, I'm hoping to help you figure out how you can keep working the track into the scenery awesomely while keeping it from becoming too consistent/repetitive. Aaaaand I have zero idea of how to do that off the top of my head so scenery criteria time!

Ambitious? For your first scenery track I'd say yeah, somewhat, just for the difficulty level of the track
Epic factor/Impressive? No, but that's okay
Complete/Cohesive? Yup
Vision? Not really. You sort of just figured out something that worked and extrapolated that to the rest of the track.
An Experience? Maybe? would have better with a higher zoom level, but this felt more like scenerizing a track than creating a cool world for Bosh to ride through.

Quality of art? Good for your first scenery for sure. But the scenery you chose was pretty risk-free in terms of making art. Monument was a little dull but not sloppy at all.
Creativity in scening things? The theme was somewhat creative but I can't really say there was a lot of creativity in the track as a whole
Speed manipulations? N/A
Detail? Good level for the compact nature of the track, not too detailed
Consistency? Hell yeah. maybe too much.
Unified Theme? Yup
Originality? Pretty good. Not much to judge but the rocks are pretty cool.
Speed? Not sure the track worked for scenery in terms of speed just because the track is very jerky and stop'n'go and with scenery it just gives me whiplash.

Monument placement? Good, for the one monument
Monument usage? N/A
3-D (extrusion, adding shine, shading, contour lines, adding depth)? The rocks shading was simple but nice, and the depth was well executed. I could have done without the vertical dashes on the marmalade jar though.
Made sense? Considering the naked track, hell yes.
"Hiding" the track? (this is bad) Good job avoiding this as much as possible given the nature of the track.
Good Ending? Yeah, great ending. Glad you remade the track at the end!

Okay now I got it. Two suggestions.

#1 - Add a third element to the tracks. Something else in the world that looks different and maybe works for a couple of places where the track doesn't quite blend well with the existing framework, like the foot fling. Even if you only use it to cover the track in one spot, throw a bunch of them all over the track for consistency. Now add a fourth element with a similar goal. Now draw doodley creepy cartoon animals and you're basically Sssschiller, lol.

#2 - Decide where Bosh is. Why is he there? Is he in a cave? What else is in the cave? How did he get there? Is he trying to go somewhere? Is he exploring? Escaping? Is there something lurking in the cave? What is the nature of this cave? How should we feel about this cave? Come up with the skeleton of a narrative and then draw stuff that makes sense in that narrative. And now you're basically CC Smile

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